She was lovely, she flew away. No one could give her a reason to stay. Wouldn’t ask her twice if I were you. She’ll make you wait then break you too! Can’t you just leave her alone? No where she likes enough to call home. Confusion in, confusion out, you make her want to scream and shout. “Why? Why? do you make her cry?” Cry into her purple eye. In spite of all her rage and fear, you’ll never see her shed a tear. Though her feelings she may hide: she’s the same as all inside. She doesn’t have original ideas and no one knows or cares who she really is. Her name doesn’t matter, call her what you want. She’ll respond politely without hesitation; for beauty she does not strive or flaunt. Try as she may, she cannot escape. Though she takes action her motions back passion. Kiss her cherry red lips. Slip into a girl who doesn’t exist. Move your hand slowly down her. Fall into a world of wonder. If you consume her all she may not hurt. Do it fast before she speaks and in the dark so she won’t see. Revealing herself unto you but only as you want her to. Flowers everywhere, fall from her mouth, sit in her hair. A world not set in black and white…. can this really be her life? A sparkly princess lost in pixie dust. Distracted by stars and lust. Though you think she has control it’s only a frame that makes her bold. A ship weighed down with heavy masts, rotting wood, she’s sinking fast. Tell her tales and tell her lies, even as you stare into her eyes. Please don’t ask if she is me. All I know is…

            Toss it up in the air. Jagged glitter, imperfect, falling. Too late to pick out what you want, or throw away what you don’t. Catch it in your hands. Dodge it. Either way, it’s coming down. Delicate and painful. Pouring over you. You can’t stop the falling colors. You can’t tell what’s passing by. Everything will change in just a moment, while you watch the plunge.

            Watching. Dizzy. Pieces fallen. Reach to pick them up, but it’s too late. They are scattered. You can’t change a thing.

            The bag is empty. Throw it away.

Burning, freezing, burning, freezing. My heart is pulsing. Open the door. Look at me, I’m on top of the world. While you lay sleeping, I’ll conquer it all. I won’t fear the twists and turns. I’ll squint at the shadow. Chase the light. Nothing can stop me. You can race me. You will get there, but I’ll be on time. My heart is pulsing. Pounding. Aching. You can halt to me, but I won’t return the favor. I won’t care where I end up, or if I crash when I get there.

The light is wavering. I’m picking up speed. I’ll race you home, and I’ll arrive when I need to. I’m dying of a thirst that only I can remedy. Don’t offer out your hand to me. I will make it back. Alone. The light is too dim. My heart is weakening.

I made it back. But I made it back late.

Open up those misty eyes,
The sun will set now as you rise
From your poise and from your place,
Arched up back and hands of grace.
Do not rest while the moon sees--
People to love and someone to be--
Dance through the night without a care,
And you'll be the only one there.

          My eyebrows are furrowed, my teeth are clenched, and yet my eyes are gentle. Giving. Look through the window. Pale and afraid. Nothing left, left to give. I’m pulling things from the thinnest of air. My eyes still tell you I’m gentle. With a fist in the air I look afraid. You can see right into the window. No question about it it. You see the view. And my eyes still say I am gentle.

I wish you hadn’t said those things. I wish I hadn’t heard them said. I wish. I wish. But it won’t actually happen. Nothing I wish for actually happens, and that’s the story of my life.

I’m invisible to you. You didn’t see me on those stairs, hearing those things. Those things you said. You didn’t even look for me around the corner. But I was there. But not to you. You said those things even though I was there. There to hear them, and there to be hurt. Being hurt, that’s the story of my life.

I wanted so badly to be what you wanted. So badly. Too badly. I’m not what you wanted, and I don’t want me. Not anymore. Not now that I’m this. This annoyance. Because I heard what you said. And now I feel ridiculous. Feeling ridiculous, that’s the story of my life.

You didn’t even know me, sitting there. Just a shadow in the corner of your eye. You didn’t think I could hear your words, or see your face. You didn’t think. You never think. Never think of me.

And that’s the story of my life.

My eyes are closed. I see my thoughts. Written like they were to be heard. But they are not heard. My mouth is shut. My thoughts are silent, and I don’t exist.

There’s something waiting to be said. Maybe this will be all of it. Maybe this will be all that I ever have to say, and no one will ever hear a thing. Just words. On a paper. Saying nothing much at all.

Time is in my hands and I am fearful of myself. I don’t know where to turn. I am insignificant, with a much too significant task to carry out. I don’t know who I am. I know I’m not myself.

But I am myself. I have to be. There’s no significance here for me to be something else. I’m the crack in the marble, the stain on the wall. The hole in the picture. That’s who I am. Because that’s who I always was.

I can’t be someone I haven’t been. I can’t change. A flower doesn’t bloom from the sand, a man is not born from a tree. You are different when you are supposed to be. And I do not know when it’s my turn. I don’t know when someone will tape up the hole in the picture. Wipe away the stain. It has always been your turn first. And you are taking your time. Time is not in my hands, I am holding it for you. I will hold the Time for you while you get your things.

The clock is ticking backwards, I am trying to walk forwards. I can’t walk into nothing, and nothing can’t walk into something. I am at a stand-still. I don’t know where to turn.

Who is that shadow that’s following me upon the ground, across my steps? I don’t recognize that darkness. I have never seen this face before. I thought I was myself, but I don’t know who I am.